Not a Christmas post...

There are so many things in life that I can say I am happy to have been through. Of these things, most of them are also things that I think everyone should experience. Love, parenthood, career success...etc. I also have a list of things that I have had happen/I have done that I don't recommend anyone try but I am so glad to have been through them. Dare I say that they make me who I am? Why yes, I believe I do.

1. Natural childbirth. There are very few things that I do really, really fast. Having babies is one of them. While I would like to say that during the process of having my last child I was stoic and calm and not begging for narcotics, that would be a total lie. I was screaming, my mama was screaming, I was BEGGING for something, anything...just please give me a shot! The nurse threatened to remove my mama from the delivery room and for I think the first time I heard her fling a string of obscenities across a room like a sailor. But that being said, I am glad that there was no time for drugs. I did it and have very little recollection of it now. This makes me know that pain is temporary and kind of helps me to be less of a whiny brat when I am sick or something hurts. And I get total bragging rights. Broken hand? Too bad, try natural childbirth...

2. Shaving my head. Two years ago I challenged coworkers to raise $1,000 for the Susan Komen Breast Cancer Foundation and agreed that if they did then I would allow them to shave my head at work. They raised it. I learned so many lessons. It takes being someone that strangers stare at to make you stop staring at strangers. I got sympathetic head nods from so many people that assumed I was sick. The cashier at our usual lunch bunch spot said, "Um, didn't you used to have....hair?" I came to appreciate my hair in a way I can't explain. I have always had thick, heavy, hot hair and it has driven me crazy for most of my life. But when I had NO hair, hot hair is all I craved. I realized too that it is possible to feel feminine with a shaved head but also that I don't ever want to have to do it again.

3. Marrying the wrong person. Spending years in an unhappy and unhealthy marriage didn't ruin me or break me. It just made me know how it SHOULD be. I won't make the same mistakes I did last time. I won't ignore the same things or accept the same things. More than all this, I will recognize when I have it really, really good (which I so do now).

4. Gaining weight. Seriously. I admit to trying like hell to lose it. But I am glad that I know what it is like to be overweight. It's one of those things that you can't imagine unless you've done it. Again, I am not recommending anyone do it. But I am glad I did. And I will be even more glad when I lose it.

5. Losing a friend. I totally absorb my friends. When a friend leaves my life for whatever reason I feel like a part of me is gone. I do know that while losing important friends is not something I strive for, it does make me appreciate the friends that I have left more. It also makes me more aware of the ways in which my friends affect me, whether good or bad.

6. Leaving a friend. When you make the decision to move on from a friendship that is toxic to you or to the other person, it is tough. I am trying this new thing lately of recognizing the difference between being supportive and being an enabler when it comes to my friends. There is a point where you have to stop supporting bad decisions and I have been really bad at realizing that until recently. While my friends might not like losing the old Jana, the one that was always cheering them on no matter what, I think that I will be a better friend in the end. We are not kids any more. And sometimes you just have to move on.

There are more that are too personal to share...but it made me feel good to list these.

Peace, ya'll,
Jana

(My friend Rudy always signed his blog "Peace, ya'll." It always made me smile so much to read those two words. He recently passed away and I thought of him as I was finishing this. I wanted to carry on his "Peace, ya'll" thing...I may not remember to do it every time, but when I do I will think of him and smile big.)