There are so many things in life that I can say I am happy to have been through. Of these things, most of them are also things that I think everyone should experience. Love, parenthood, career success...etc. I also have a list of things that I have had happen/I have done that I don't recommend anyone try but I am so glad to have been through them. Dare I say that they make me who I am? Why yes, I believe I do.
1. Natural childbirth. There are very few things that I do really, really fast. Having babies is one of them. While I would like to say that during the process of having my last child I was stoic and calm and not begging for narcotics, that would be a total lie. I was screaming, my mama was screaming, I was BEGGING for something, anything...just please give me a shot! The nurse threatened to remove my mama from the delivery room and for I think the first time I heard her fling a string of obscenities across a room like a sailor. But that being said, I am glad that there was no time for drugs. I did it and have very little recollection of it now. This makes me know that pain is temporary and kind of helps me to be less of a whiny brat when I am sick or something hurts. And I get total bragging rights. Broken hand? Too bad, try natural childbirth...
2. Shaving my head. Two years ago I challenged coworkers to raise $1,000 for the Susan Komen Breast Cancer Foundation and agreed that if they did then I would allow them to shave my head at work. They raised it. I learned so many lessons. It takes being someone that strangers stare at to make you stop staring at strangers. I got sympathetic head nods from so many people that assumed I was sick. The cashier at our usual lunch bunch spot said, "Um, didn't you used to have....hair?" I came to appreciate my hair in a way I can't explain. I have always had thick, heavy, hot hair and it has driven me crazy for most of my life. But when I had NO hair, hot hair is all I craved. I realized too that it is possible to feel feminine with a shaved head but also that I don't ever want to have to do it again.
3. Marrying the wrong person. Spending years in an unhappy and unhealthy marriage didn't ruin me or break me. It just made me know how it SHOULD be. I won't make the same mistakes I did last time. I won't ignore the same things or accept the same things. More than all this, I will recognize when I have it really, really good (which I so do now).
4. Gaining weight. Seriously. I admit to trying like hell to lose it. But I am glad that I know what it is like to be overweight. It's one of those things that you can't imagine unless you've done it. Again, I am not recommending anyone do it. But I am glad I did. And I will be even more glad when I lose it.
5. Losing a friend. I totally absorb my friends. When a friend leaves my life for whatever reason I feel like a part of me is gone. I do know that while losing important friends is not something I strive for, it does make me appreciate the friends that I have left more. It also makes me more aware of the ways in which my friends affect me, whether good or bad.
6. Leaving a friend. When you make the decision to move on from a friendship that is toxic to you or to the other person, it is tough. I am trying this new thing lately of recognizing the difference between being supportive and being an enabler when it comes to my friends. There is a point where you have to stop supporting bad decisions and I have been really bad at realizing that until recently. While my friends might not like losing the old Jana, the one that was always cheering them on no matter what, I think that I will be a better friend in the end. We are not kids any more. And sometimes you just have to move on.
There are more that are too personal to share...but it made me feel good to list these.
Peace, ya'll,
Jana
(My friend Rudy always signed his blog "Peace, ya'll." It always made me smile so much to read those two words. He recently passed away and I thought of him as I was finishing this. I wanted to carry on his "Peace, ya'll" thing...I may not remember to do it every time, but when I do I will think of him and smile big.)
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
An open apology to Mr. Chad Poovey
I was thinking last night of a conversation that I had with an instructor of mine at Hinds back in around 2001. I had resisted getting a cell phone for years and I was totally judgy about people that always had their phone in their hand. I made the bold prediction that I would never even HAVE a cell phone, much less use one regularly. Mr. Poovey, consider this an open apology. I was wrong in judging you for checking your phone during lectures.
Over the years I eventually got a cell, of course. For a while, I stood firm and fussed at people if they called me on it for anything that wasn't an emergency. But slowly and surely, I caved. It started out small...adding 100 texts a month to my plan or upping my minutes. When I got my first internet connected phone three years ago, I realized I was in for total, hypocritical trouble.
As of this morning, I have downloaded a fifth app to my phone to further my connectedness. What this means, to put it simply is that I am totally addicted to the instant access that my Blackberry affords me. Is it really necessary that I can see a photo someone tagged of me as soon as it happens?
I know for certain that I check my phone as the last thing I do before I fall asleep. I also admit to checking it if I wake up in the night (we can all pretend it is to see what time it is, but come on...if there's a new text, I am so reading it). I am not ashamed to admit that the reason I use my phone as my alarm is so that when I pick it up to turn the buzz off, I see how many emails came in the 3 hours since I looked at it last when I got up for water.
If you need me and you can't call me, you can send me a text. Don't have your phone handy? Just send me an email. Blackberry user? BBM me! No Blackberry? That's OK, hit me up on GChat! Feeling the need for some PDA? Send me an @ Tweet and everyone will see it! Facebook stalking today? Just send me a comment, my phone will go wild!
Now that my new job requires me to spend at least 60% of my time managing the social networking for the mall, I am in even more deep. I am currently in the process of linking the work Facebook and Twitter to my phone so that I can have them at my fingertips at all times as well. While I have thus far managed to resist the urge to have my work email sent to my Blackberry, I am sure that it's just a matter of time before I give in on that front too.
There was an episode of Margaret Cho's short lived VH1 show where she asked all her friends to go to a cabin for the weekend with her and when they got there she took their phones away and locked them up. I believe the point was to see how long it took before people started trying to kill each other...or more specifically her since she had the key to the cabinet where their phones were. I can relate. If I can't find my phone for 2 minutes I freak out. What if I miss a text??
I think that I should challenge myself to disconnect regularly. I could start out small...say 3 hours on Saturday. I would not only turn off the phone, but also give it to someone for safe keeping so I don't sneak in a check or two. It would be like a 12 step program for smartphone addicts like me...Eventually I could work my way back down to a regular phone that I could call for help on if stranded on the side of the road.
Who am I kidding?
"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that." ~www.twitter.com/shitmydadsays (yeah, it's sent to my phone)
Over the years I eventually got a cell, of course. For a while, I stood firm and fussed at people if they called me on it for anything that wasn't an emergency. But slowly and surely, I caved. It started out small...adding 100 texts a month to my plan or upping my minutes. When I got my first internet connected phone three years ago, I realized I was in for total, hypocritical trouble.
As of this morning, I have downloaded a fifth app to my phone to further my connectedness. What this means, to put it simply is that I am totally addicted to the instant access that my Blackberry affords me. Is it really necessary that I can see a photo someone tagged of me as soon as it happens?
I know for certain that I check my phone as the last thing I do before I fall asleep. I also admit to checking it if I wake up in the night (we can all pretend it is to see what time it is, but come on...if there's a new text, I am so reading it). I am not ashamed to admit that the reason I use my phone as my alarm is so that when I pick it up to turn the buzz off, I see how many emails came in the 3 hours since I looked at it last when I got up for water.
If you need me and you can't call me, you can send me a text. Don't have your phone handy? Just send me an email. Blackberry user? BBM me! No Blackberry? That's OK, hit me up on GChat! Feeling the need for some PDA? Send me an @ Tweet and everyone will see it! Facebook stalking today? Just send me a comment, my phone will go wild!
Now that my new job requires me to spend at least 60% of my time managing the social networking for the mall, I am in even more deep. I am currently in the process of linking the work Facebook and Twitter to my phone so that I can have them at my fingertips at all times as well. While I have thus far managed to resist the urge to have my work email sent to my Blackberry, I am sure that it's just a matter of time before I give in on that front too.
There was an episode of Margaret Cho's short lived VH1 show where she asked all her friends to go to a cabin for the weekend with her and when they got there she took their phones away and locked them up. I believe the point was to see how long it took before people started trying to kill each other...or more specifically her since she had the key to the cabinet where their phones were. I can relate. If I can't find my phone for 2 minutes I freak out. What if I miss a text??
I think that I should challenge myself to disconnect regularly. I could start out small...say 3 hours on Saturday. I would not only turn off the phone, but also give it to someone for safe keeping so I don't sneak in a check or two. It would be like a 12 step program for smartphone addicts like me...Eventually I could work my way back down to a regular phone that I could call for help on if stranded on the side of the road.
Who am I kidding?
"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that." ~www.twitter.com/shitmydadsays (yeah, it's sent to my phone)
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